Reading sample

Incredible patients

Shepherd's hour

After I have arranged the straps on his knee and he can move it again in all the intended directions, he pushes around a bit. He still has a problem with the bladder. Couldn't I recommend any tea there?

Since when did the problem arise.

Like lightning he trusts and blurts out. He has a rubber electrode that can be connected to the TENS device. You insert them deep into the urethra, that makes his sex big and hard and when he has set the correct frequencies on the device, his cock discharges with a mega orgasm.

I immediately remember the story of the sheep keeper from an ancient book on sexual medicine by Georg Back: Lonely, tending sheep in the mountains, the sheep boy was looking for something to do. Far and wide not a soul, only he and his flock of sheep. At some point he starts to plane his tail, masturbates on the wonderful herbs that lie like a carpet under him and that the sheep enjoy so much. The sheep boy has discovered his lust and now pursues his favorite pastime on a regular basis. At some point the stimulus that his working hands exert on his glans penis is no longer enough. He needs a stronger stimulus and pulls a small twig out of the carpet of herbs, which he now pushes into the urethra to masturbate. Over time, the sticks get bigger and bigger, the stimulus on the glans and tubes gets stronger. This time he sits on a rock and looks bored again at the sheep complaining and plucking grass. Lust calls, but there is no stick at hand. He pulls his penknife out of its sheath and inserts it, blood escapes from the injured urethra. But the pain the wound causes is even better than anything his experiments on his manhood have suddenly produced. Over the years the knife digs deeper and deeper into its member and splits it in half. In the meantime he has to tie the two halves together with a leather strap to masturbate. The last time he finds a stick again. Due to the fully split tail, the path to the bladder has become very short, only 4 cm, like in a woman, which incidentally leads to much more frequent ascending infections and associated bladder problems in women. The last stick falls through the remaining 4 cm into his bladder and eventually penetrates his bladder wall. He'll still make it to the doctor, but the ruptured bladder has poisoned his entire abdominal cavity and he dies of sepsis. The story dates from the late 19th century, antibiotics that might have stopped his sepsis were not yet known at that time.

I am not responsible for infections, I explain to my patient. He must see a urologist and have a culture of his urine done to find out which antibiotic could help him.

I learned that while studying with Prof. Hyphe. That's what we called our microbiology professor, whose real name began with an H, but I've long since forgotten. The professor was an old chub with flowing gray hair of which he was very proud.

The best towel, he said, if you can't find what you are looking for in a public toilet after washing your hands with packaged paper towels, it's your own hair. He then pulls the still damp hands through his hair to dry and the body's own microbial flora can take care of his hands again. Of course, that only works if you have such excellent head of hair as he himself.

Finally he chased us through the university building with a pile of petri dishes to collect samples.

We hurried from the doorknob to the toilet, slid across the floor to the public telephone, inoculating one Petri dish after the other with the invisible germs of the university. One week later it is clear: the auricle of the public telephone is the absolute spreader of germs. We inoculate new Petri dishes with the germ samples and stamp six different antibiotics on them. In the following week we can see where the germs have not or only slightly grown. Now we know, even without having determined the pathogen ourselves, which antibiotic worked best for therapy. This is what the urologist has to do with my patient, hopefully to quickly rid him of his cystitis.

I refrain from commenting on my patient's sexual practices.